mother nature did well

 I'd just like to take a minute to do a shout out to my new best friend, mother nature. You did well today, lady. The sky was a perfect blue, there were only a few puffy white clouds to be seen, and can we talk about the awesome 60 degree weather?

Liam and I got an awesome walk in and spent some time sitting on our front lawn. I have been impatiently tapping my toe, waiting for the weather to get warmer so I can have adventures outside with Liam. I can't wait for shorts and sunglasses weather. Summer can't come soon enough! Until then, I plan on making a summer bucket list to do with my little. Any suggestions are welcome! Seriously, what are some of your summer must do's? I'd love some help with my list.

8/52

  A portrait of Liam once a week, every week in 2014 

It's amazing how one day you look at your child and realize they're becoming your toddler. Suddenly, they're not so much your baby, anymore.

the little things.

I've said it a million times and I'll say it again. It's amazing how much children teach us. Maybe I should just make that my motto, already. Today it finally warmed up here in snowy Utah and I got my chance to take Liam to a nearby park. I have been waiting for what feels like an eternity to get the chance to do more outside activities. This day came just in time, I think we were both getting a little stir crazy! Putting Liam in that swing and giving him that first push instantly gave him uncontrollable giggles. Hearing him squeal almost made my heart burst. It was truly the best sound in the world.

It's amazing to me how something so simple can make someone so incredibly happy. It makes me really look at the little things I come across everyday and be a little more appreciative.  I'm so blessed to have Liam in my life and constantly remind to enjoy every moment. I love him for that.  

breast isn't always best.

 Have any of you other mamas noticed how much breast feeding information is pushed on us every time we walk into the doctors office? I sure have. The moment you walk through those doors you are bombarded with pamphlets, you're surrounded by posters, and now many offices require you to watch a video. Something else I've noticed, there is hardly anything about bottle feeding. I don't see any posters on the wall, I don't see any videos on formula or different kinds of bottles.

Let me let you in on a little secret. There is no shame in bottle feeding and we formula moms need some loving too! Now, before I come off as anti-breast feeding, I'll let you know now, breast feeding is beautiful! I truly believe it creates a bond between mom and baby. Breast feeding has many health benefits, it can be convenient, and in times comforting. In fact, I was not a formula mom by choice.

When Liam was born 6 weeks early, the NICU nurses explained to me that I was not able to breast feed him just yet. He was unable to digest as easily as a full term baby could and needed to be started off on my pumped milk mixed with a special formula that his little belly could handle. Liam progressed his feeding faster than expected and three days later I was given the opportunity to introduce breast feeding once a day to him. I assumed that it would be easy and babies naturally know what to do, as do mothers. This could not be more untrue. It is hard. It is not natural. And if it was for you, I envy you.

I tried my hardest. I had a lactation consultant, I contacted a mid-wife for advice, I practiced as often as we were able to, I asked other moms for their advice, and nothing was helping me. Liam would either get too tired to keep his latch and keep trying, or he couldn't keep anything down.

If any of you have been in this situation, you know how discouraging it can be.

You feel ashamed and embarrassed that you can't even feed your own baby. I felt every emotion. Not only was I hard on myself but I had people on the left and right of me saying now "natural" it is and that babies "just know what to do." After weeks of tears and pumping schedules, my milk supply eventually dwindled, as did my self esteem. Luckily, I had my mother for support. She told me it was OKAY to bottle feed. She helped me let go and realized that bottle feeding doesn't make me any less of a mother. So, I let go and became proud to be a formula mom.

Guess what, He still looked me in the eyes and studied my face as I fed him. I still got those corner smiles and moments of cuddles. He still cried for ME when he was hungry, knowing that  I would be right there for him. He is healthy and happy. I am healthy and happy. I am not any less his mother than I would be if had I breast fed.

There are so many mothers out there with different reasons on why they bottle feed. Adoption, working schedules, illness, or personal choice. No matter the reason, IT IS OKAY. I think every mother needs to hear that. IT IS OKAY.

Am I going to continue to bottle feed my future child(ren)? You know what? I don't know. I do know that I am going to give it my all and try my hardest. I would love to have the opportunity to have that experience, but if I once again have to be a formula mom, well, I will stand in that store line with my cans for formula with pride.

healthy birthday cake with avocado frosting.

When I was deciding what cake I wanted to make for Liam's birthday, I knew I wanted to make something that I felt comfortable with him eating too much of. (because that's what you do on your birthday, right?) What I love about this cake is it's really simple to make and it is a much healthier choice for a little belly. The great thing is that even with out the frosting, this cake tastes delicious and can be made as a snack food. But the best part is, Liam loved it! 

 SWEET CAKE

 What you need:

5 very ripe, medium bananas (mashed)

medium sized pear (mashed)

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour

3 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

1 teaspoon ground flaxseed (optional)

 Directions:

Pre-heat oven at 375° F

Grease 11" x 8" cake tin and set aside.

Combine mashed bananas, mashed pears, and vanilla extract in a small bowl.

Combine all dry ingredients in a medium sized bowl.

Lastly, combine banana mixture with dry ingredients and stir for 30 seconds or until just combined.

Bake for 20 minutes or until center comes out clean on tooth pick.

AVOCADO FROSTING

What you need:

1 avocado

1 banana

1 tablespoon coconut oil

splash of vanilla

juice of 1 lemon

1/4 cup powdered sugar  (optional!)

Directions:

Combine all ingredients in medium sized bowl. Mix until completely smooth.

*remember, with this frosting, a little goes a long way!

naps and bubbles.

 The older Liam gets the more fun it is to watch him discover new things. The way he studies something so intently and then watching his face light up. He is such a curious little boy and has such a fresh perspective towards everything. Watching him explore simple things shows me just how much I take advantage of. It's amazing to me how much he teaches me every day.

birthday colds.

This poor boy spent his birthday fighting off a horrible cold. He has been such a trooper the last couple days and though I know he feels tired and icky, he still let me have a little fun. We mostly spend the day inside while he played with his grandparents and made a quick trip to the Disney store (maybe that one was more for mama ;) ). I had been holding off giving him his birthday cake until he was well enough to actually enjoy it. A day late isn't too bad, right? I'm so glad I waited, he loved it!  I have been spoiling him with many, many treats lately so for his cake I decided to make a healthier version. Sweet cake with avocado frosting! I'll have to share the recipe on another post because it really is tasty.

liam is one!

Happy happy birthday sweet boy! This last year with you has been absolutely incredible. Every day has been full of priceless memories and the best little adventures. Watching you grow and seeing your personality develop has made me the happiest mama in the world. I love you, baby boy. Happy one year!

7/52

  A portrait of Liam once a week, every week in 2014

It just doesn't feel real that my baby is one tomorrow!

you did what?!

Well guys. Big changes are coming for our little family. But first a little back story.

When I first started dating Kristofer 4 years ago, I knew he was from a military family. In fact, our first date he told me he was going to be joining the Air Force as soon as he graduated with his bachelors. It was something we have always planned around. "When you're in the military" turned into a casual sentence we said and still say often. As naive as a girl born and raised in the same place her entire life can be, I thought nothing of it. I've never really known or been around that lifestyle. I didn't know what being in any branch of the military really entailed. I thought you walked in signed a piece of paper and walked out with your date to leave, and that was that.

I'll tell you guys now, it is not that easy. It takes an exhausting amount of thought, courage, and paper work.

When Kristofer graduated last December he began looking to joining.  By this time he decided that he needed to look into more than just the Air Force. We were married with a brand new baby and we needed to make sure we did what was right for us. Long story short, there was a lot of back and forth. Army, Marines, Air Force. All are so different despite what you might think. I know I didn't think there was really any difference, then again, remember how naive I've been. We had many disappointments this last year and what feels like an eternity of waiting, but as of yesterday morning Kristofer signed his name on that line and promised himself to the Air Force.

Now, what does that mean for us? It means more waiting, to be honest. I'm going to keep some of the details to myself until I feel it's the right time to share and we know a little more. But for now I'll tell you he has been put on the delayed entry program. Meaning as soon as a spot opens up, he is off to basic training. This could mean he could be sent off in one month or it could be up to 6 months. WE JUST DON'T KNOW. I'll tell you what, It's scary as hell not knowing just when your husband is going to be leaving, but it's the life we signed up for, and it's something I need to learn to cope with.

I do know that I am incredibly proud of him and I absolutely love him.

letter to liam // one year old

Dear Liam,

My sweet little boy. How did this year go by so quickly? It is hard to me to accept that you will be one year old on Monday! I swear it was just yesterday you were bundled up in that soft cotton hospital blanket and handed to me for the first time. It's been one year. One year full of more love, excitement, changes, and priceless memories that mean so much to your dad and I. You came into our lives at the perfect moment and turned our world upside down. How can someone so small teach us so much in just one year? You have taught us what true love is. You have taught us just what it means to truly be a family. You are so much light and happiness. Thank you for blessing us with being your parents and thank you for always keeping us on our toes. I love you so much my goofy, charming, clever little boy.

Love, your mama

6/52

  A portrait of Liam once a week, every week in 2014 

Someone got a little worn out during pictures today. I can't wait to share the rest! This little man melts my heart and his comb just makes it so much better.

5/52

  A portrait of Liam once a week, every week in 2014 

Leave it to my kid to find the sugar out of all things and it not even phase him when he gets caught.