breast isn't always best.

 Have any of you other mamas noticed how much breast feeding information is pushed on us every time we walk into the doctors office? I sure have. The moment you walk through those doors you are bombarded with pamphlets, you're surrounded by posters, and now many offices require you to watch a video. Something else I've noticed, there is hardly anything about bottle feeding. I don't see any posters on the wall, I don't see any videos on formula or different kinds of bottles.

Let me let you in on a little secret. There is no shame in bottle feeding and we formula moms need some loving too! Now, before I come off as anti-breast feeding, I'll let you know now, breast feeding is beautiful! I truly believe it creates a bond between mom and baby. Breast feeding has many health benefits, it can be convenient, and in times comforting. In fact, I was not a formula mom by choice.

When Liam was born 6 weeks early, the NICU nurses explained to me that I was not able to breast feed him just yet. He was unable to digest as easily as a full term baby could and needed to be started off on my pumped milk mixed with a special formula that his little belly could handle. Liam progressed his feeding faster than expected and three days later I was given the opportunity to introduce breast feeding once a day to him. I assumed that it would be easy and babies naturally know what to do, as do mothers. This could not be more untrue. It is hard. It is not natural. And if it was for you, I envy you.

I tried my hardest. I had a lactation consultant, I contacted a mid-wife for advice, I practiced as often as we were able to, I asked other moms for their advice, and nothing was helping me. Liam would either get too tired to keep his latch and keep trying, or he couldn't keep anything down.

If any of you have been in this situation, you know how discouraging it can be.

You feel ashamed and embarrassed that you can't even feed your own baby. I felt every emotion. Not only was I hard on myself but I had people on the left and right of me saying now "natural" it is and that babies "just know what to do." After weeks of tears and pumping schedules, my milk supply eventually dwindled, as did my self esteem. Luckily, I had my mother for support. She told me it was OKAY to bottle feed. She helped me let go and realized that bottle feeding doesn't make me any less of a mother. So, I let go and became proud to be a formula mom.

Guess what, He still looked me in the eyes and studied my face as I fed him. I still got those corner smiles and moments of cuddles. He still cried for ME when he was hungry, knowing that  I would be right there for him. He is healthy and happy. I am healthy and happy. I am not any less his mother than I would be if had I breast fed.

There are so many mothers out there with different reasons on why they bottle feed. Adoption, working schedules, illness, or personal choice. No matter the reason, IT IS OKAY. I think every mother needs to hear that. IT IS OKAY.

Am I going to continue to bottle feed my future child(ren)? You know what? I don't know. I do know that I am going to give it my all and try my hardest. I would love to have the opportunity to have that experience, but if I once again have to be a formula mom, well, I will stand in that store line with my cans for formula with pride.